Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
