No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
NoShamevember. You game?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize