So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
