Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
