Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
