does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
