Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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