It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
