flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
