My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
