So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
