I've blown a few things in my day
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
