I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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