i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
