my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
there is glitter all over my balls
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
