I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
