I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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