Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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