I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
