oh god the rape fog is back!
I looked at my own cervix.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
