Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
