There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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