What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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