chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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