When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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