I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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