Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
