Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
