My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
