i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
