I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize