Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize