new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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