We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
