you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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