with your own penis?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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