I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
