I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
