"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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