im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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