I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
