I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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