That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
