she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
