I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
