She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize