nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So vagazzling was a success
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
