I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
