anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
