idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
