I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
