I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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