I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
