There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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