I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
