Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Two words: blizzard sex
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
