wrigley field is MILF paradise
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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