we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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