you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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