He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
