Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize