U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What a dumb baby whore.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
