Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Someone shattered a urinal.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
