you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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