Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
