I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
