I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
