ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
