Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
