ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
