My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
