Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
