Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
