If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize