yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What a dumb baby whore.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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