I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
