My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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