He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize