yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
