We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
