I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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