I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
