So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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