I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
