you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize