thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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