Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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