just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
