Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
