Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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